Last week’s topic of Empathy was setting up for this topic, Forgiveness. This isn’t going to be on you getting forgiveness, this is about giving forgiveness. I have a firm belief that when someone wrong’s you they are in a place of panic, loneliness, or anger. The best way to move on from that incident, especially when they don’t apologize, is to be in their pain as well. Do you see where empathy comes it? It’s a great skill. They also don’t actually need to be in pain for you to see and relate to what is happening to them. I’m sharing this as a person who knows this, not that I’ve perfected this for myself yet.
I still have people that I haven’t quite forgiven. I know I haven’t ‘let it go’ because it’s an incident that I think of periodically and I still curse that other person. I have unresolved feelings towards what happened. What makes me angrier is that even if I were to confront that person of his actions he wouldn’t see how much hurt he inflicted upon me. Therefore I don’t see a point in stirring up that issue but I have yet to put it to rest.
This is why I share that you need to find a way to forgive those people. It’s a complete waste of time for me when I randomly reflect those events, I feel the burden of those feelings and it’s not helpful.
This is a small instance in which I was successful (Hoorah!). When I was first married I asked my husband to close the shower curtain after using it ALL THE TIME. How frustrating, right? He still never did it. At first I was really upset, he didn’t care about what I said so therefore he must not care about me as much as I thought he did. This is what I insisted this is exactly what he was thinking. After several fights/discussions I realized after trial and error, that there was no deeper meaning than him just forgetting. There was no hidden message, I needed to take this incident at face value. Once I realized his intentions, where his heart was, him not closing the shower curtain was not that big of a deal. Now if I see it open I just close it.
Something I realized about 6 months ago is that my little three year old daughter needs empathy as well. I used to think she’s giving me such a hard time and I’d get so angry, really though she was having a hard time. Her tantrums of screaming and kicking walls greatly diminished once I sat down gave her a hug and we talked about how she felt. Whether she was angry with me and why. Once she felt I understood her, she forgave me all of my imperfections as a mother.
I hope that when you read this you understand that this lesson is something I’ve learned through my daily life and by no means any professional opinion. Although I’m not perfect at this, giving true forgiveness(not the kind where you ‘let it go’ and actually just bury it) lifts a burden, making your mind lighter. Lighter mind = greater chance of a mindset of happiness.
I’d love for you to share your personal story, write me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Next week is the end of the month where I’ll be featuring a guest writer, here is a little bit about her:
Hi! My name is Danet Peterson! (Pronounced duh-nay) I am a 24 year old wife to my husband Danny, and the mother of 2 littles, a 2.5 year old boy and a little 1 month old baby girl. I have been married nearly 5 years to the most incredible man, who loves me unconditionally. We have grown together so much as a couple and it’s still hard to believe it’s already been nearly 5 years. A few things about me: I love making delicious tasting treats and dinners, but mostly treats; I have a passion for helping other people; I play piano and sing in a small local choral group called Resonance Vocal Ensemble; I love decorating and redecorating; if I ever leave my house to go run an errand and feel like being lazy, I will do my hair and sacrifice the make-up; oh–and my kitchen is probably the cleanest room in my house, without fail. I am addicted to chocolate, I love date nights, and I live for nap time some days. 😉
Danet has her own blog and if you want to preview it, check it out here!
P. S. I’ll be starting a mini series starting on April 6th on building your own personal toolbox. I’ll be updating mine and I’d love to have you make one/update yours with me!