In my life there are things that I did that I wished I could have done differently but I didn’t know how to change to make a different choice. I acted the way I did because it was the only way I knew to be. I treated people friends/family the exact way I was shown how to be. I used to have a family member yell at me,”Why don’t you respect me??” The answer is my models growing up taught me exactly how to act. I didn’t realize until I was an adult that I didn’t know what unconditional love looked like or how not to shame people into doing what I wanted. I still have difficulties as a spouse showing physical affection because the models I had didn’t show physical affection. I feel like I know several people like this; those who were raised a certain way and didn’t like things that were done and yet as an adult they exhibit the same behavior they despised seeing from their model! An obvious example is parenting. Many children say I don’t want to do what my parents did but yet as a parent they do the exact same thing, why? Is it biological? Parent instinct? No. I have a tendency to act as certain way because I was taught no other way. It doesn’t matter what anyone said to me, I watched and saw what really happened, how I should act in certain situations. It didn’t matter how many times I was told, ‘Be patient!’ If someone was always short with me then how would I know what patience looked like?
This is particularly hard for me when I encounter situations I’ve never dealt with before, it can cause me anxiety deciding on how I want to be or how I want to act. I get so caught up deciding on what to do that my actions or words can be misinterpreted which causes more anxiety. Hello vicious circle!
I bet you’re asking, well what did you do about this? I simply found a different model that I liked. I didn’t find my models in real life people, I found them in personal development and parenting books. You don’t know what you don’t know so learn to find out more!
We spend a good portion of our lives getting an education for a career then why wouldn’t we want to give ourselves an education on being a better spouse? Becoming a better parent or being a better friend? I feel no shame in saying I have felt so stuck and helpless in the past not knowing what to do or how to change. I know now though, there are books on that, I can change. If you follow me on Instagram I’ve shared some books and podcasts I listen to that help me learn and grow, I’ve made a commitment to myself to listen to something like that once a day.
I challenge you to find something you want to work on in your life and go learn how to change it.
I’m apologize for not being as diligent as I would like with this blog but I guarantee that I’m doing my best for now. That’s something I’m working on (there are articles on how to regularly post on blogs, there is knowledge out there for anything!) And I appreciate your patience.
As always I would love to hear your thoughts/stories! Share in the comments or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org